About six months before my fortieth birthday, I was far from being forty and fabulous. In fact, I was at a crossroads in my life, but one thing I knew for sure was that I was not living a life I loved. There was no purpose, no passion, and no meaning. I was simply existing and going through the motions of an ordinary life and anyone who knows me knows I detest being ordinary. I did not love the life I was living at all.
It was time for a drastic change. The life I was living was not conducive to a long, healthy and productive life. I was stressed, overweight and unhappy. Worst of all was that I knew deep down, I was not fulfilling my true potential. I was not living a life with purpose and meaning.
To be in sync and live a life that you love, with passion and purpose, the balance in all areas of our lives needs to be right. However, our state of mind is the decisive factor which impacts and affects every area of our lives from diet and nutrition, to exercise, work -life balance, family and social responsibilities and fun. My state of mind was not clear at all. It was clouded with stress, anxiety, self-doubt, self-sabotage and excuses.
The first defining moment that led to profound change was when I consulted a life coach. I realised how unbalanced the life I was living actually was, and most of all how I had lost sight of my values and my sense of self. It soon became apparent that this was the reason I had been feeling empty and could not fulfil my true potential.
Through coaching, I discovered that I was operating at a very high level of anxiety and this was why my life was very stressful and unbalanced. I had to start viewing things from a different perspective and re-evaluate my current value system. I learnt that I needed to calm down, become an accepting person, let go of guilt and give people the benefit of the doubt. After a lengthy process of learning and choosing certain values, working out who I wanted to be, and learning what values I needed to adopt to get me there, I adopted three main values which I now live by: Being calm, being mindful and being accepting.
By acting on these values and integrating them into my daily interactions and psyche, I slowly began to change. These values are now part of my psyche and my philosophy of life. They are instrumental in helping me be the person I want to be and assist me in fulfilling my potential on a daily basis in every area of my life.
Understanding my core emotional needs and personality led me to realise my own strengths and gifts and how I could bring them to the world, integrate them into my own life, and help other people do the same. When you understand yourself, you can make the right choices and set the right goals which will assist you in creating your life plan and finding your passion and purpose. Defining your values and identifying your core values grounds you as a person. Once you align your values with purposeful action, anything is possible.
I recently came across the author and poet Robert M. Drake’s work “Beautiful Chaos” and his words really resonated with me as the perfect way to describe how I finally found my purpose after forty years:” In the chaotic rubble, she still remembered who she was.”